From the "Fun with MIL-H-83282" files:

An un-named AMHAN and his "good buddy" un-named AMSAN were on night check working on an A-3. They had finished their job and were now looking for "entertainment" before going back into the shop to work off another gripe. The had a hydraulic bowser with them, so one of them gets the idea to squirt the other with the hydraulic fluid. After a couple of pumps on the handle he realizes that there isn't enough pressure to hit his buddy with the fluid. So in a moment of inspiration they decided to write their names on the A-3 taxiway, on the far north side of it, figuring no one would see it. In 4 foot tall letters one of them writes:

"HOWDEY HAIRY"

After he finishes he hands the line to his buddy, who looks at what was just written and decides that it might not be a good idea to write his name out on the line.

They both go back to the shop, and think nothing more of it.

The next day the airframes LPO is called into the MO's office to explain what had happened that night.

Lets just say that the two airmen were standing tall in front of the MO and not enjoying the view....

 

From the "cement for brains file or:  Shoot the supervisor now and put him out of his misery" file:

An unnamed AEAR was told to go out take off one of the external generators (RAT's) from one of the A3's (The ECM generators) and he was having trouble getting all of the screws out so the Idiot went to the tool shed and got a hacksaw and started cutting the mounting bracket off!! Needless to say the plane was down for a while the Airframers fixed it, luckily enough, someone went out to check on him and he didn't do any MAJOR damage.

From the "ooops" file:

An unnamed AE3,  was working on mod for one of the A7's and performed the mod uneventfully (or so he thought) so AFTER they put the plane back together, and reinstalled the engine, everything for the mod worked great, but unfortunately, something was wrong with the AFCS after working on the problem 24 hrs a day for 10 nights in a row, a civilian from Vought was called in, he arrived and figured out where the problem was, the mech's had to pull the engine to get to that area.  Come to find out the dumbass  that did mod ACCIDENTALLY drilled through a seemingly important wire bundle (the one that has most of the AFCS wiring in it, go figure) well the civilian took 2 day to find the problem, and they fixed it, so in just a shade under 2 weeks of 24 hour shifts it was fixed......boy did his shipmates love him.

I had to hide for a month, that is where the picture of me with the drill came up. I know McCormick, Frazier, and Velasquez remember this one...

From the "How to communicate and fail" file:

Hard charger night check Airman on the line was told to "get the GD 220 dirty for a wash job" by the Maintenance Control Chief.

Our hard charger Airman was confused as GD 220 had just been washed the week before (and he knew this as he was on the wash crew that washed it) and it was clean.

The now confused hard charger Airman questioned the Chief  "Dirty"?  

Replies the Chief:  "Dirty". 

The Airman:  "But Chief, it's clean right now". 

The Chief "What part of dirty don't you understand"?

The Airman:  "Aye aye Chief, Dirty you want, dirty you get".

The hard charger Airman took his two sidekicks with him and proceeded to get GD 220 "dirty" in every literal sense of the word!  Exhaust soot, grease, mud, wash rack drain scum, anything to get GD 220 dirty for the wash job.

Airman:  "Night Chief".  Chief:  "Is GD 220 dirty for the wash job tomorrow"? 

Airman:  "Oh yes Chief, it's dirty all right".....

BAM BAM BAM,  Duty driver to the hard charger Airman:  "Get up and get dressed, Maintenance Masterchief want to see you NOW"!!

Airman, his two sidekicks, their AE1 supervisor, their ADC Division Chief, and the Maintenance Masterchief were eyeball to eyeball in the Maintenance Masterchiefs office.

Masterchief:  "What in the @*#&$&*# made you even think that he wanted it SMEARED WITH all of that CRAP on my A-3"!?!

Airman:  "The AQC told me to get it dirty"........

Masterchief:  "That's right, he told you to DIRTY UP THE AIRPLANE for the wash job"!!

Airman:  "No, he told me to get GD 220 dirty for a wash job".

Masterchief:  "HE WHAT?  Are you sure he used those exact terms"?

Airman and his two sidkicks:  "Those were his exact words Masterchief.   If he had told us to dirty up the A-3 for a wash job, then we would have understood what he wanted us to do.  We have never heard of it being called getting the airplane dirty for a wash job.  Besides, the A-3 was clean since it had been washed...

Masterchief (red in the face and ready to explode):  "Get out of my office and don't let me see your asses for at least a week"!!!

20 minutes later in the line division office:

AE1 Supervisor:  You dumb ignorant #*#&@# Airman,  WHY in the *#&#@ did you do that.  You know that AQ Maintenance Chief didn't know anything about A-3 line ops, you are supposed to be smarter than that!!!  Don't worry, after you left the office the Masterchief broke out laughing so hard that he was crying!  The AMO and the XO thought it was pretty funny too."

Airman:  "So what happens now"?

AE1 Supervisor:  "You three knuckle-heads get to do all of the wash jobs for the next month with AQC as your supervisor".

Hehehe

From the "no shit" file:

An AMSAN who had just gotten off of restriction a couple days earlier (guess what for...) was at Squadron Quarters to get frocked to Third Class.  During the awards ceremony he passed out from a late night of "partying" and landed face first into the pavement, breaking his jawbone.  He was later booted from the Navy for "popping positive".  Again.

ooops....

From the "duhh" file:

An EA-7L crew was returning from a chaffing and jamming mission in the San Diego area, and after leaving the warning area were supposed to have shut off the chaff pod.  For "some" reason, the chaff pod was not shut off, and it continued to stream chaff all the way into the approach to Miramar.  It's been said that the chaff knocked out the approach radar at Lindberg field, and that some good "soft shoe" tap dancing was done.

From the "no shit" file:

An AMH1 and an AMS2 of nightcheck det Puerto Rico Airframes were sitting out on the second deck balcony of Boruquin barracks naked as jaybirds and drunker than skunks conversing with one of the local maids about the quality of their services.  It was later heard that the AMH1 had sunburn on a certain body part and had trouble walking for the next couple of days.

QUOTE:

AMHC Richard "Doctor" Dukes as a First Class explaining to the Commanding Officer why the enlisted people always seemed to get in trouble when on DET to NAS Roosevelt Roads, PR:

"Well Sir, perhaps it has something to do with putting 70 people in open bay barracks with no transportation, having $75.00 Per-Diem for 14 days, and having the package store less than 2 minutes away selling RonRico Barcardi for a $1.90 a fifth..."

QUOTE:

AMS1 Brian Moses as a Second Class telling ADC Johnny Barnes: 

"I have NO A-3 experience, and if I did it's not in my service record or training jacket and you can't prove it..."

 

QUOTE:

AMS2 Dave Lange as an Airman after riding his motorcycle through 25 feet of CALTRANS cyclone fence at the Clairmont Mesa / Hwy 163 offramp:  "Now THAT was stupid......"

From the "CYA"  file:

"Unknown" to a very nice NIS investigator:  "I dunno what he had in that A-7!  All I know is that he blew one tire and a brake on landing, and we had to go change our planed cross country  to rescue him from XXXXXXX, and I had to get dirty from changing them, and then our A-3 wouldn't start, and by the time I was done messing with the fuel controls maintenance and operations had called and told us our cross country to New York was cancelled, and I didn't even get a letter of appreciation OR the rest of my weekend off.  Besides, where would he hide a dead frozen dog in an A-7 anyways...?